Massages

Massages... no that is not the word messages said with that "snooty" accent. It is about the actual art of relaxing massage. I got a massage yesterday with my friend G. The woman who gave me said massage told me that I had a lot of tension in my muscles. 

After she said that all I could think of was the movie Clueless- you know the part where Cher says "Even Fabian my masseuse said I had a lot of tension in my back!" I was grinning but thankfully I was face down in that cradle thing so I did not have to explain it. 

Anyway this deep tissue massage ending up deep tissue bruising. I mean serious I look like I fell from a sizable distance bruises. I was told that I would feel a little bit sore, but I am not sure I can sleep on my back ever again. It did feel excellent during the massage though, my back felt ten times better than it did going in. But note to self-do not put the emphasis on "deep" tissue massage. Next time stick to regular tissue massage. 

My Second Post!

How many of y'all have eaten all of your meals out of a bowl for over a week? Then you look around your kitchen and realize every single one of your bowls is dirty and you are so hungry you move to the tupperware cupboard. Just before you pour the milk into that to-go container from 2011 you decide you HAVE to do your dishes. Why is the process of washing dishes the most difficult chore? I would rather clean the bathroom than do my dishes. 

By the time I am done with the dishes I am not hungry anymore. I am so disgusted by the mess I had created that a glass of water and those rapidly browning bananas that do not require a dish sound like a better idea. Of course as soon as I peeled the banana I forgot about my decision to abandon using a dish this evening and instead got a frying pan out.

I mixed a little bit of butter (well not real butter of course-gotta watch those saturated fats) with some brown sugar, cinnamon and a dash of vanilla. Then I cooked those delicious banana bits until they were soft and sugary delicious. Of course I did not take a photo- but I found this one from the internet and I am happy to claim it looked just like this:

Wow! I am such a great chef and food photographer! I impress myself sometimes...the internet is full of wonder folks. Wonder.

#reslifeforlife

I am going to try and be a blogger! Attempt numero uno.

It is almost 10pm. About two hours past my bedtime these days. Thank goodness for my nap earlier. Why start a blog you ask? Well have you seen this ecard from someecards.com?

I think that explains my life. And since I have no desire to be on TV I thought I would try blogging. Today I have spent a lot of time thinking about whether or not I look like a hipster in my new glasses. I know, I know- how shallow. But seriously look at these frames:

They are almost hipster. But I really like them. What do you think? I am going to test drive them this week and see what I learn. I spent this weekend at a hiring conference to look for some new staff members. Hiring new staff members is a funny business. Everyone at this conference is looking to sell themselves to the highest bidder, they put their best foot forward and make sure their resumes look pretty. Working in Higher Education is not about your resume or your new suit. It is about stress, dirt, vomit most of the time, and what you look like in the middle of the night. College students rarely find themselves in emergency situations before 1am. I think that it would be easier to higher new Hall Directors with a Survivor style show. This is what it looks like:

Phase One: Teams meet outside of the Residence Hall and they are divided into teams with the famous pairs game (Fred and Wilma Flinstone-Yabba Dabba Do!). Then they are challenged to find their first interview task with one arm to simulate a disability while their partner cannot talk. Let's see those communication skills. 

Phase Two: Without the use of die cuts, cricuts or premade boarders, teams will have to create a bulletin board about the dangers of over consuming alcohol. They will be judged on how neat and clean the board is and also by the creative use of materials that they find in the room. There is no budget for this project. None. Get used to it kids. Once you finish that bulletin board (look at that other team who made matching door decs!) you will be challenged to come up with a floor program based on the following objects: a frisbee, organize honey, yarn, and ping pong balls.

Phase 2.5: As you are cleaning up the program supplies the teams are alerted to a variety of bodily fluids that need to be cleaned up. Some messes are located in elevators and some on carpet. Those absorbent beads don't work as well on carpet. Before you can successfully complete this part of the test is taking your gloves off while following the proper BBP procedures. 

Phase Three: Conflict, conflict, conflict! Now here is the time to shine with your I statements and the "lingo." Give me your best shot with how you would simulate the deescalation of a physical argument between three large, drunk men and 12 sobbing women wearing miniskirts. Ok- that might be worst case scenario, but those are two very different populations to calm down in a hurry. Good test. I am leaving this step in.

Phase Four: Get cozy. It is nap time. Everyone gets an hour to relax and get cozy, lulled into a false sense of security with a Disney film and some hot cocoa. Once the teams are asleep- FIRE! Get up quick! Empty that building, call the police, search for fire, find none, silence alarm, talk with the cops, bring the students back in, write an IR, try to fall back asleep. Repeat 20 minutes later!

Then after all of that- the final step of the RHD interview- let's have a staff meeting and brainstorm ways to plan a fun, late night program. Once all of that is complete I think you have a better idea of the candidate and if they have the snuff. Anyone left smiling gets a job. And $10,000. Just for playing. Because that is a long day. #reslifeforlife