For My Fan- Mental Health in Higher Ed

Greetings blog readers! It was requested that I take a quick break from the film reviews and RA programming to share something a bit more personal with all of you. Have any of y'all seen any of those blogs floating around out there talking about mental health in student affairs? Things started to circulate the web with a HuffPost article and some other blog responses (Kristen Abell Amma Marfo Becca Obergefell Renee P Dowdy Ann Marie Klotz). 

All of these posts talk specifically about mental health in higher ed. I know there are other stressful fields out there and that as humans we need to stop and smell the roses sometimes. But as I work in student affairs, these articles hit me particularly hard. Dealing with crisis, that almost always is someone else's crisis, can take a toll on anyone. A year and a half ago I was handed a particularly difficult personal crisis that forced me to think about the world very differently. I would describe myself as a fairly anxious person, I believe I have been this way since the womb. I worry about others to such a point that it is a good thing I ended up in residence life- I cannot think of another career I am better suited for! I am also fiercely independent, so much so that romantic relationships have been threatened by my inability to let someone else in. (side note: I have learned a great deal on this front in the last ten years and my current romantic partner challenges me enjoy the feeling of someone else in the driver's seat.)

So what happens when the calm head in crisis who has all the answers is in crisis herself? I cannot imagine a safer place to be then in higher ed when disaster like that strikes. My supervisor, well versed in crisis, responded to me and my concerns perfectly. I got more emails of support from coworkers and people connected to the College in the time I was out of the office than I do during housing selection in April. I was given as much space and support as I could have ever wanted. I was given room to breathe but I was not left too alone to be able to resist the assistance that everyone, except me, knew I needed. There are lots of steps in recovering from a crisis and in my own case, I took a long hard look at myself and decided to "practice what I preach."

How often did I recommend my students to see a counselor? How often did I encourage them to consider my office a safe space and that sometimes just saying things out loud was therapeutic? Could I even quantify the number of times I assisted a student in making the first step to getting help and solving their problems? I knew I would not be able to look those students in the eye if I did not take my own advice and get the help that my heart (and head) desperately needed. I started to see a counselor, Gretchen, and I can honestly say that was a life changing decision. Once I was open to that kind of help I was able to gradually put myself back into control of my own destiny. But I also had to change the way I approached my job and the situations that I thought I could control. I had to think critically if I still had the ability to handle other peoples crises, and reflecting on the support and warmth I felt from my College community I could imagine leaving that environment. So after some time away from the controlled chaos of Residence Life I had to get back in the saddle. 

I knew the key to being back in form at work was to be able to separate the work anxiety from the personal anxiety and that at times it would be harder than anything I had ever tried to do before my own crisis. When a student grieves the loss of someone close to them I have to ask myself if I am the best advocate for them, I have to recognize my limits. The most important part of that recognition is accepting that this was not a weakness or fault. It is one thing to remind the RA staff again and again that they are not alone on duty or when disaster strikes, it is quite another to role model that behavior. 

Once I recognized I had reached a limit I had to be honest with myself that I needed help at work- something I was not used to asking for, that tricky help. Student Affairs is a great place to find ice breakers, extroverts, and hard working folks. But it is also a place to find great support. Relying on each other and playing to each others strengths is the best asset we have in higher ed. As we enter the short work week to celebrate Thanksgiving, I challenge you to be thankful for the support all around you and take a moment to let them know you are there to support them too. It is important that we do not take that for granted and that we nurture that support so it is there when we really need it. 

"You Can't Sit More Than Two in a Chair Noah!"

Another movie lost in the collection with my inability to alphabetize and read. The Notebook is probably one of the more recent and most often referenced love story in America. My brother and his now wife once went as Noah and Allie for Halloween because they feel that this story is their love story- minus the actual plot of the film because none of these things happened to them in real life and they are not old now. But they did get married- click here if you want to read about those amazing nuptials. 

Now this movie has all of the cliche things you would expect from a movie about love and more love. How many of y'all ever danced to no music? It is quite romantic if I do say so myself. One time in college I was lucky enough to have one of those moments where someone sweeps you off your feet and dances with you when there is no sound to be heard. It is a silly as you would imagine :)

Well there is so much kissing in this movie that I almost cannot watch it with anyone else. Remember in A Philadelphia Story when I was commenting on old time moving kissing looking so painful? The Notebook redeems Hollywood 64 years later with the kissing in this movie. It does not look as painful and it looks like actual kissing. But for real- so much kissing. 

So this story is a retelling of a love between a wealthy, young woman vacationing in a coastal town and her hard working, saw mill employee townie. This movie has a bit of a twist as we are watching the story being retold by Noah himself. The end of this movie is where the water works start flowing and I will not ruin it if you are one of the 15 people in the world who have not heard already how it ends. But it is so sweet that you will at least get a little verklempt if you have a heart. 

The casting in this movie is just perfect too. The actors that play in these starring and supporting roles make this story more wonderful. It helps that Rachel McAdams (Allie) and Ryan Gosling (Noah) had a real life romance. They probably were not acting too hard about their chemistry that was so sweet and angry at the same time. There is another love interest in this film too- James Marsden. He plays Lon Hammond and he is so sweet and absolutely dreamy with those blue eyes that viewers will immediately like him. I am sure that was purposeful for the plot but it makes me sad that his minutes in the film are small in number. Overall this film is a great story put to screen- Nicholas Sparks knew what he was doing when he put his spin on this love story. He tied together all these lovely moments and plot lines to make sure an enjoyable and heart warming story that renews your faith in true love forever. 

RAs will probably have no trouble getting residents excited to watch this film. But to add a program in I would focus on the part where Noah wrote to Allie for an entire year after she left that summer. It wasn't over for him but Allie did not get any of his letters. As a floor I would spend some time writing letters to loved ones. Not just romantic loved ones, but to anyone that your residents feel that they should appreciate. Everyone loves getting snail mail and the only cost to this program would be the stamps to send out these letters once your floor has finished. Good old fashioned love letters through the mail are pure gold, pure gold. 

"Can I Stay A Bit Longer?"

Today we are graced with the wonderful presence of Julia Roberts and Hugh Grant. And of course in incorrect alphabetical order. I have lost two movies in the cabinet, and by lost I mean I just looked at them and did not register that they were movies that started with an N and I should wait on the Ms. Oh dear. But the movie is Notting Hill. I forgot all the wonderful intricacies in this story. You know how I said I only purchase movies that I have seen many a time? Well that is true, but this movie is obviously one I have lost in the rotation. Since making the bold decision to get rid of any TV channels I have missed those Saturday afternoon matinee showings of this film on TBS. If you, my millions of blog followers, hadn't noticed I have many movies to choose from and this is an unfortunate side effect of that luxury. 

This film is about an American actress Anna Scott and her on again and off again relationship with a travel bookstore owner Will Thatcher. We follow them from his crush on her from afar, similar to how I would not kick Ryan Gosling out of my bed for eating crackers (if you know what I mean :)) to a time when they are actually introduced in person. As viewers we have a front row seat to love and hate and love again. Take note readers of our Ryan Gosling reference- our next film is an even better love story that makes me cry EVERYTIME I watch it- just like those beginning scenes of Up (click here to read about my tears in that movie.)

There is some great dialog in this movie that seems really real to me. I wonder if the writer Richard Curtis actually heard some of these lines in his relationships:
"Don't think about it we'll sort it out." Isn't that the best thing to hear from the person you love? Just that total feeling of someone being on your side and in your corner when the bell rings to start the round. 
Then there is that familiarity of knowing someone so well in the scene where they are reading in the living room- even though they are just together in that one day. I hate to write a post about love in a lovey dovey kind of way but that is how this film struck me today. I think that my heart must be in a love mood with all this wind and scariness outside. But goodness this movie is so sweet! I am in love with Hugh Grant today! Even more than Anna Scott. And his character's last name is Thacker so that makes it even better!

There are also some funny lines in this film- like when they are laying head to toe in bed and Anna Scott asks "What is it about men and nudity- about breasts? What is all the fuss about?" Will actually takes a quick look to be sure he can answer that question! So funny!

And one of the many sweet parts in this film, when Anna asks "Can I stay a bit longer?" and Will answers "Stay forever." Ahh my heart melts.

Then she just destroys him with the line "I will regret this forever" after she is photographed in one of his dashing blue and white striped shirts. She looks quite nice for just waking up and forgetting the jam downstairs. I would not have minded that beautiful of a photo of me taken! And finally probably the most famous line from this movie, "Don't forget, I'm just a girl standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her." When Anna utters those words and Will's self preservation kicks in you just want to get off the couch and watch the rest of the film jumping around the living room. Well at least that is what I want to do! Ok, I will admit it- I did jump around the living room for the last few minutes of this film. 

If an RA were thinking about this wonderful film and its great dialog I would recommend planning a program about roommates. Spike is Will's roommate in this film and he plays a crucial role in the plot. After your residents see Will and Spike's relationship they might be grateful for the roommate that they have! No one can be as bad as Spike! Maybe include a worksheet so they can document all of the roommate courtesies that Spike violates through the film. Then each roommate pair can hang that on the back of their room door as a constant reminder of how not to treat each other. 

Love Autopsy

Another great movie in our collection is one that I enjoyed with my friend Molly. She is a good movie watching partner. She let's me convince her that the upcoming film is really good and I get to watch what I want to watch anyway. It is great. 

Today I am writing about the wonder that is Music and Lyrics with Drew Barrymore and Hugh Grant. It also stars Brad Garrett and Kristen Johnston as some supporting characters that are important. The best part about this movie is that it kind of recaptures the awesomeness that was movie musicals that I loved to watch growing up. There is some singing, the people who star in the movie do the singing and the soundtrack is very much available for purchase and repeat listening. When I first saw this film I bought the soundtrack for everyone I knew- especially Amelia. I knew she would appreciate it and she did. Amelia is a great friend to share music with- she loves the traditional musical soundtrack and humors you when you want to show her something new. Those are the best friends to keep around. 

Hugh Grant plays part of an 80s music group called Pop and could be defined as a "has been" Alex Fletcher. Sophie is an adorable yet quirky former English major played by Barrymore. Alex is commissioned by a modern pop diva, Cora Corman, to write a new song and he needs a lyricist. Together Sophie and Alex make an excellent pair and an awesome song that you will find yourself singing as the film continues. As a viewer you cannot help but love them and their awkwardness. Well I could not help it. Maybe because I could see myself in Sophie's "squareness." I am about as square as they come and I am oddly mesmerized by characters that are still cool when they play it straight edge. Or maybe it is that Sophie is slightly neurotic but something about her is attractive to formerly too suave for his own good but sarcastically funny Alex Fletcher. Look, let's just say that both of these characters have traits that I can relate to while watching the film which is why it is one of my favorites. But seriously, who does not love a romcom.

At the end of the film, after some conflict, you want to dance to the music and have your own 80s pop star romance. But if you were watching this as part of an RA program you would have to have more of a substantive program for it to be approved. I suggest thinking about this program in terms of the song writing process. When I was in 7th grade we were challenged to write another verse to Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start the Fire." The fact that I remember Mrs. Stafford giving us that assignment is one thing, but I remember loving that task and being so proud of the final result. How fun would it be for your floor to write another verse to record a verse of "A Way into Love?" I bet your campus radio station also has the capability to record your floor singing the song including their very own verse. What an awesome memory and a great way to have a floor keepsake that everyone can load onto their iPods and listen to for years to come.     

My Biological Clock is TICKING!

One of the funniest movies I have ever seen comes to us in the form of a clever comedy called, My Cousin Vinny. This movie includes Marissa Tomei's Oscar winning performance as Mona Lisa Vito and Joe Pesci as Vinny. They are the best part of this film, hands down. Their portrayal as a lawyer trying his first case (a murder case) and his fiance is dead on balls accurate.

Ralph Macchio has found himself in trouble, in the south. A case of mistaken identity has his friend Stan and his character Bill accused of murder and they are being represented by Vinny. He is not sure how to proceed and makes Herman Munster without his makeup angry every time he opens his mouth. The film takes us through some stereo typical southern things too, like how to make grits and a variety of accents. Vinny has to earn the respect of a southern judge, another lawyer, as well as his cousin Bill and Stan as they are convinced they are going to be put to death in a southern legal system. The film is funny and exciting as you watch through the court case.

As I said earlier Vinny and Mona Lisa are just awesome in this movie! That must be why Marissa Tomei won an Oscar and the film is on TV all the time. Vinny promised to marry Lisa as soon as he won his first case. But he has taken seven years to pass the bar exam and this case in Alabama is the New Yorker's first. There is a scene where Lisa is telling Vinny that she does not want to add any more stress to this trial, but her niece, the daughter of her sister, is getting married now and Lisa's biological clock is ticking so loud that she demonstrates that by stomping her high heeled foot. I am sure all of you have seen this part of the film or at least know of it, but if not I recommend you watch this movie as soon as possible. There might even be a youtube clip of it out there. Lisa turns out to be the most valuable person in Alabama when the trial hits a snag. She has lots of knowledge about lots of things and her help, although momentarily pushed away by Vinny, is crucial. I figure I am kind of like Lisa, follow me here. I am often complaining like her, I want to help out the people I love and often feel helpless, but when they push me away I still come through with that piece of information that saves the day. Plus I look awesome in purple velvet, jumpsuits, and my New York accent is just as good as Marissa Tomei's. 

If I were to program around this movie I might actually program about the unrealistic expectations that college graduates might have as they approach Commencement. Some students are certain they are going to be hired the minute they graduate, make over $60,000 at their first job and will be a middle, if not upper level, manager. An RA could use their resources from the Career Development Office to get a list of what last year's grads are up to and even the alumni would are five years out of College. Sharing that list of reality should bring people back to the realization they have to work for their first job and also that maybe taking the bar exam seven times is not too crazy!