Greetings blog readers! It was requested that I take a quick break from the film reviews and RA programming to share something a bit more personal with all of you. Have any of y'all seen any of those blogs floating around out there talking about mental health in student affairs? Things started to circulate the web with a HuffPost article and some other blog responses (Kristen Abell Amma Marfo Becca Obergefell Renee P Dowdy Ann Marie Klotz).
All of these posts talk specifically about mental health in higher ed. I know there are other stressful fields out there and that as humans we need to stop and smell the roses sometimes. But as I work in student affairs, these articles hit me particularly hard. Dealing with crisis, that almost always is someone else's crisis, can take a toll on anyone. A year and a half ago I was handed a particularly difficult personal crisis that forced me to think about the world very differently. I would describe myself as a fairly anxious person, I believe I have been this way since the womb. I worry about others to such a point that it is a good thing I ended up in residence life- I cannot think of another career I am better suited for! I am also fiercely independent, so much so that romantic relationships have been threatened by my inability to let someone else in. (side note: I have learned a great deal on this front in the last ten years and my current romantic partner challenges me enjoy the feeling of someone else in the driver's seat.)
So what happens when the calm head in crisis who has all the answers is in crisis herself? I cannot imagine a safer place to be then in higher ed when disaster like that strikes. My supervisor, well versed in crisis, responded to me and my concerns perfectly. I got more emails of support from coworkers and people connected to the College in the time I was out of the office than I do during housing selection in April. I was given as much space and support as I could have ever wanted. I was given room to breathe but I was not left too alone to be able to resist the assistance that everyone, except me, knew I needed. There are lots of steps in recovering from a crisis and in my own case, I took a long hard look at myself and decided to "practice what I preach."
How often did I recommend my students to see a counselor? How often did I encourage them to consider my office a safe space and that sometimes just saying things out loud was therapeutic? Could I even quantify the number of times I assisted a student in making the first step to getting help and solving their problems? I knew I would not be able to look those students in the eye if I did not take my own advice and get the help that my heart (and head) desperately needed. I started to see a counselor, Gretchen, and I can honestly say that was a life changing decision. Once I was open to that kind of help I was able to gradually put myself back into control of my own destiny. But I also had to change the way I approached my job and the situations that I thought I could control. I had to think critically if I still had the ability to handle other peoples crises, and reflecting on the support and warmth I felt from my College community I could imagine leaving that environment. So after some time away from the controlled chaos of Residence Life I had to get back in the saddle.
I knew the key to being back in form at work was to be able to separate the work anxiety from the personal anxiety and that at times it would be harder than anything I had ever tried to do before my own crisis. When a student grieves the loss of someone close to them I have to ask myself if I am the best advocate for them, I have to recognize my limits. The most important part of that recognition is accepting that this was not a weakness or fault. It is one thing to remind the RA staff again and again that they are not alone on duty or when disaster strikes, it is quite another to role model that behavior.
Once I recognized I had reached a limit I had to be honest with myself that I needed help at work- something I was not used to asking for, that tricky help. Student Affairs is a great place to find ice breakers, extroverts, and hard working folks. But it is also a place to find great support. Relying on each other and playing to each others strengths is the best asset we have in higher ed. As we enter the short work week to celebrate Thanksgiving, I challenge you to be thankful for the support all around you and take a moment to let them know you are there to support them too. It is important that we do not take that for granted and that we nurture that support so it is there when we really need it.
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