Again I am failing you, my faithful blog readers. Even though I have spent seven years in post secondary education getting degrees and 10 years living and working at a college, I cannot alphabetize. I am sure it is a skill that will eventually become obsolete as Microsoft Office will just sort things for us in alphabetical order as necessary, but I am ashamed that I have had to publicly prove to all of you that I cannot do it!
Today's film is Now and Then, a classic film for someone who was coming-of-age in the 90s. You know its true when it reads "coming-of-age" on the DVD cover. What does that even mean? In this film it meant that four friends, about 12 or 13 years old, spend their summer making a pact that they will be there for each other whenever one of them needs it. We see these friends played by our favorite 90s childhood stars, Christina Ricci, Thora Birch, Gaby Hoffman and Ashleigh Aston Moore. They have some adventures in their small Indiana town in their last summer before they have to really deal with life, romance, and growing up. This part of the film takes place in the 1970s. We see snippets through the movie of these four friends all grown up and played by Rosie O'Donnell, Melanie Griffith, Demi Moore and Rita Wilson respectively.
I read somewhere once that TV shows and movies that accurately depict college life and college students do not appeal to grater audiences because that is not the experience that the majority of TV watching Americans had growing up. According to the US Dept of Ed over 21 million students were enrolled for the fall 2013 semester. That is a lot of TV watching people. Once you count in all those that are graduated I think there is a strong audience for college comedies or dramas. These shows could be the real coming-of-age programs for today's young adults. I recognize that there is a lot of growth in those adolescent years but the college years are a just ripe with change for young people.
Watching a student change from their first year to their senior year is so fascinating. Once you have the luxury of working at the same institution for four years and see one entire class matriculate and graduate you have really seen it all. They write books and theories about student development and what stages they will most likely progress through as they discover their self, sexuality, personality, career, friends for life, some of them their significant other, and religion. But nothing compares to getting to see that happen first hand in the residence halls. I have been able to see many classes go through that cycle now at my current job and it never ceases to amaze me to see students change through the years.
I was just visiting with a former student and we were discussing how different she was in her sophomore year to her senior year. Her priorities changed from parties and negative attitudes about anything not related to parties to one where she started to see the benefits of her RA position, classwork, and other extra curricular activities. That switch was easy to see in her attitude and in talking with her. She grew up right before my eyes and I was fortunate enough to see it first hand. If there was a way for TV producers and writers to not only make the sets more realistic (I mean really Felicity- you did not live on campus in those nice of digs) but also to capture the outside of the classroom stuff that is beyond alcohol and parties it would make for excellent coming-of-age TV that would appeal to many viewers.
Remember when Napoleon Dynamite was super cool? Remember when everyone thought this quirky, no budget film was the best thing to happen to pop culture? Well, not everyone thought that. I certainly did not when I first saw this film. I could not understand what all the hype was about, I could see the humor in the John Heder's character but that was it.
Then I watched the film with my 10 year old brother. It is crazy to see something through another set of eyes and suddenly find humor in it. I wonder if my too serious self could not appreciate the simple, clean, and just silliness that is Napoleon. I had just graduated from college and had started my first grown up job when the film came out. Listening to my brother laugh and giggle, he would never admit now that he used to giggle- he is too cool for that nowadays, made that movie great for me. Probably since the first time I saw that cute little guy smile I was bound and determined to make him laugh. When he was a toddler I would make faces and do silly things to make him smile and when he was ten we decided that we were Kip and Napoleon. I perfected that impression in my spare time so that when I called him I could do the whole conversation in character and when I went back home for a visit we would pretend to be those Dynamite brothers all evening.
So that is why Napoleon Dynamite is in my movie collection. It is a fond memory of my baby brother and when I watch it I think of him, now that he is not such a baby anymore! I also think movies like that are part of my higher ed education. Back in 2004 and 2005 that was the movie that all college students had seen. We went to an RA conference and I swear each role call skit had incorporated some part of Napoleon's famous dance into their routine. We did not win with our originally written song to the tune of Barbie Girl by Aqua because of Napoleon. But I recognized the dance immediately which gave me some street cred with my students back then- and boy did I need street cred. It is hard to break into the cool kid scene when you are living a pinterest lifestyle before pinterest even exists!
I also LOVE Tina Majorino. After Andre, When a Man Loves a Woman, and Corrina, Corrina I was concerned that I would not see much more of her, another victim of childhood fame. But she reappeared and according to IMDB she has been in other things as well that I just did not notice. It is funny now that I think about it, that I do not own Corrina, Corrina. It is just a wonderful film and when I had TV channels I used to stop whatever I was doing when it came on. I promised myself I would not buy any more films until this project is over so I will to wait to purchase it. I am sure I can get a great deal on a used copy nowadays.
If I were an RA and I were going to plan a program around this movie I think I would take the food angle. There are lots of scenes with food. There are tater tots, cakes, delicious bass, Tina's snacks, quesadillas, steaks, you name it they ate it the film. There is even a scene where you can incorporate body image into the program with the scene where Deb is drinking 1% milk when she could be drinking 2%. I would take the opportunity to share with my residents the joys of making different meals in the school cafeteria. For example, taking applesauce from the salad bar, adding cinnamon sugar, and then microwaving it to make warm cinnamon applesauce in the fall. Or taking hot cocoa from the beverage line and adding a scoop of vanilla ice cream for a sweet dessert. There are even opportunities to get a wrap from the sandwich station and shredded cheese from the salad bar to make your own quesadilla too! The possibilities are endless if you think outside the box of the traditional meals that are served in the cafeteria. Encourage your residents to think creatively by printing out the menu for dinner the following day and trying to come up with different options based on what is listed for the meal.
Recently I came across an article about being a "nice" boss. Check out the article here if you are interested. I have often thought about this, in higher ed and more specifically Residence Life, I feel like there are lots of nice bosses. You can spot a ResLifer a mile away- they are the people introducing themselves before the meeting starts with interesting conversation starters. They then turn to the side to include the person next to them, "Hello there, I just met Jan and she has a beta fish in a stinky cage! How do you feel about pets?" They are classic includers, whether they are introverts or extroverts, they are a pro a working a room.
When you think about the ResLifers who are supervisors you think of brag boards, staff squishies, buckets of love, traveling trophies, and things that are warm and fuzzy in a staff meeting. We come from experiences where each conduct meeting started with a conversation about Johnny's recent football win and his collie from home and end with him thanking you and shaking your hand. Lots of pleasantries can be found in all of these exchanges that have shaped us into supervisors. That is one of my favorite parts of working in the field! It is easy to mistake they warm and fuzzy parts as being too nice. It is easy to assume that there is a lot of positive reinforcement and maybe a lack in the constructive criticism department.
Thinking about the Residence Life professional deep down inside and reading this article has made me question whether I am sufficiently challenging as a supervisor. Do I spend too much time talking about the things that are going well and gloss over the parts that are hard? Do I spend enough time pushing them to do better by sharing my disappointment with the status quo? I am worried about rocking the boat and making waves and those fears cause me to take less risks or advocate for less change at work? Do I steer conversation away from topics that are difficult to discuss or difficult to change in order to stop my staff members from brainstorming ways to make their jobs better?
No, I am not too nice. Sure, there are ideas and topics that I realize are not possible within the scope of what my department and its limited resources has the ability to change. But I encourage big picture thinking and brainstorming- I like to encourage the type of thinking that results in changes or programs that we have the ability to change. I do think that I push my staff to be better residence hall directors, better people, and ultimately better professionals at their next jobs. I share constructive criticism and feedback about events, programs, and ideas without dashing hopes or crushing spirits. I welcome all sorts of hard conversations (as long as they are coupled with possible solutions) for making things or people work better in our department. I do all of this within that touchy feeling environment of ResLife that I am comfortable operating in.
I like being a nice boss. I might change my evaluation for this semester to reflect some of the thoughts in this article just to be sure, but I think I am just right in the nice department.
It seems that I am determined to deprive all of you of a good read lately. This sunshine has encouraged continued time outdoors. Apologies all around. Today's post is about the movie Overboard but also about trust. I watched this film a couple weeks ago when my Dad and Rhana were in town, but recent events have caused me to change up this post a bit from the original.
Overboard is a great film from 1987 that takes place in Elk Cove, OR. I have mentioned in a few other posts about the whole picture of a movie when you add the character development, music, sets, and camera angles to the plot and how I notice and appreciate that in films. This one was no different. I was not kidding when I mentioned that my movie collection is THE best one out there.
Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell star in this film, and yes for those of you who are curious, they started dating in 1983 so they were romantically involved during this film. Knowing that really does make the film so much better. Hawn stars as Joanna, a rich heiress who is living the life on a large yacht with her husband, Grant and her butler Andrew. The best example of her personality is when Joanna is getting a pedicure from Andrew while her manicure he recently finished was drying. She looks down at her fingernails and there were some tiny bugs that had landed to their doom on the surface. In the most haughty and condescending voice, Hawn declares that now she has "dead corpses" all over her fingers and Andrew must fix it.
Kurt Russell stars as Dean Profitt, a carpenter, that suffers the wrath of a bored and too rich Joanna, when he remodels her closet in the yacht. As the title suggests, Joanna falls overboard and develops amnesia, forgetting her former life. Dean steps in and as payback convinces her that she is his wife, Annie. He then proceeds to torture her with chores, pig sty living, and rowdy children, in retaliation for her behavior earlier in the film. Joanna has no choice but to trust that Dean is telling the truth that he is her husband.
Another fun fact in this film is that Hector Alizondo is in it! I love him! He plays the skipper of the garbage crow that finds Joanna floating in the ocean and brings her to shore.
While Dean is deceiving Joanna, they start to enjoy each other's company. The four boys start to do better in school, the house is clean and respectable, and Annie/Joanna starts to fall in love with Dean. Towards the end of the film Joanna's husband Grant reluctantly comes to retrieve her from her life with Dean and once she lays eyes on him she remembers her former life on the yacht and the sweaty carpenter that pretended now to be her husband. Oh boy- you can imagine! Joanna is furious (rightfully so) and leaves to go back to her rich roots. While back on the yacht she realizes Grant left her there in Elk Cove with amnesia and he was no better than the lying Dean. But in classic Hollywood style-scripted design, true love prevails. Joanna goes back to her life with Dean that is filled with love.
Trust is an interesting thing. I mean when you think about it, we are all just trusting in trust until we are given reason to doubt it. Millions of people look the other way or unconsciously ignore the warning signs of doubt in order to live the life that seems easiest. Living on a yacht having everything that you desire along with people to serve it to you seems like a great deal. For the purpose of this post, I liken that to trusting while ignoring the warning signs that something is wrong. Joanna had the unique opportunity through the wonders of modern movie amnesia to experience the other kind too. The blind trust that love and hard work engenders. In those situations when that trust is violated it changes EVERYTHING and nothing can return to the status quo.
When Joanna realizes her trust in the ones she loved and her trust in herself was violated not only by her "warning sign ignoring" self but also by her "blind trusting" self, she has to decide what to do from that point on. That is the funny part about the trust that has been built by love and hard work- it can sometimes be rebuilt. Joanna decided to take the chance with Dean and the movie ends so we do not really know what happens. But I like to think that once her trust was violated it did change everything. Joanna and Dean were not going to return to the status quo in Elk Cove. But instead they decided it was worth fighting for a new trust in a new life together.
Everyone you meet in life has their own stories and different paths that lead them to the spot where those paths crossed yours. Working in higher ed has given me a healthy exposure to honest and hard working people. I have seen lots of love between parents and children, so much care for a co worker in crisis, and people in a community connected only by the College itself trusting blindly in one another. Don't get me wrong, I have seen lots of deceit, trust violating, and pain too. But being exposed to both of those sides of the coin causes me to reevaluate what my trust in others looks like on a regular basis. I have come to rely on the inherent goodness humans possess and that love and compassion can take us a long way in relationship building and maintaining. Right or wrong, smart or stupid, I am second chance giver and overall strong supporter of trust rebuilding. I optimistically think that anything is possible. Now if only I could convey that to disgruntled roommate pairs :)
