No!

I have been told a few times that I might have a condition-or ability depending on how you look at it-that makes it nearly impossible to say no. So naturally I went to the internet for some answers. I am sure that there are some WebMD experts that can educate me on such a condition. The Internet Therapist told me that the inability to say no is a characteristic of codependency. Putting the needs of others before the needs of oneself and causing a deterioration of one's emotional and mental well being is a the result of not using that powerful two letter word. 

Wendy Wallbridge reminded me that when I say no to something I am in fact saying yes to something else. This makes sense to me-and at times I do say no to social engagements just so I can say yes to Netflix.

Andreas Moritz brings up the excellent point that sometimes one feel pressures to say yes because of beliefs that are connected with education or religion, or even gender and class. There is the societal pressure for a woman to say yes, especially to her parents, significant others, maybe even her children. Well anyone who knows me, knows that I do not have a problem saying no to my family when I feel my mental or physical health will benefit from saying no! And now that it is March I can remind you that I do not feel any pressures to do anything that some man asked me to do!

On my first page of Google hits I was even given some coaching by a company in the UK on how to say no. It was actually pretty good advice. Things I might take back to the workplace. That brings me to another point- I think there is a work "no" and a personal "no."I will admit that I have trouble saying no at work. When a student asks me for something or when I can help with something I always try to make it work in my schedule. I have said no a couple of times to being part of a committee or part of planning things like Women's History month and I can honestly say that I feel guilty when I do- and I recognize that is a problem. 

In my personal life I have become much better at saying no to things that I do not want to do. I have declined more social engagements in the last three years then I have since college when I was too busy to say yes! 

But I am a sucker for someone I care about-I do not want to hurt their feelings nor do I want to see them suffer. I say yes to a lot of things I am sure that I have suffered or have done a dis-service to those friends too on occasion. But I honestly feel my heart is in the right place-I never intend to make matters worse with all my yesing, nor do I want to be taken advantage of during those times. And if any of you reading this call to ask me for a favor in the next few days, I would think twice.

Oh yeah-that's right. The No Machine is in the garage ready to go. I am going to be driving that bad boy all over the place. For a little while anyway. I am sure that the sucker in me will be out in full force in no time :)