A Tunnel of Light

In my mind I keep hearing myself say "There is finally light at the end of the tunnel." Now that I have made the decision to radically change my life by leaving WI and hanging out with my cute nephews. But the idea of that phrase indicates that there is something positive is on the horizon after a challenging or difficult period.

I don't think I can describe the last 15 years as a difficult period. I have LOVED so many people and experiences that I have had here. Some of the best moments in my life. I had a love that changed my life forever. Ferdinand was by far the best thing that came out of my life changing move to WI. It was hard to make the decision to leave here not knowing when I would be back to visit St. Paul's or be in places around here that hold such strong memories for me of him and our life together. But I have to remind myself that he is not just in Wisconsin-he is in my memories of him. 

I'd like to think rather than a light at the end of the tunnel, I have a path through the trees like the picture above. I am at peace with a decision to radically change my life. I am going to do some things I swore I would never do, but I am ok with that. I am moving towards my ultimate goal of working and living off grid. Of living a simpler life with out the stress I have currently. I am going to make myself happier and that is something I have not made a priority for years. 

In Higher Ed you are always working to make someone else's life better, different, easier, functional, etc. I used to get really upset when people described my work as a glorified babysitter. But now I can see some of that- a babysitter is someone that is not related to you but cares about you and how you are doing. For some families there are regular babysitters that love their kids and would do anything for them. That describes how I have felt over the years. I have loved some of these students in a way that when they succeeded I felt success, when they struggled my heart was breaking right along with them. I am looking forward to worrying only about my successes and stresses for a little while. Is that selfish? Maybe. But I have put in my time. 

So I am going to keep traveling down this tree covered road to whatever lies at the end of it, for now there is a toddler and a itty bitty baby who are excited to play with Auntie much more often.